Expressions Unlimited

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I see myself as Little Miss Perfect, though all the three adjectives used to describe is never anywhere close to my personality! It is a pure figment of imagination that I am smart, kind, passionate and flawless, extremely chivalrous and responsible, well all the nice words that you can find when you look up a dictionary! With this apocryphal demeanor, I masquerade on a benchmark that may resemble the Nityananda with all the possible Is and Mes to gauge other people!

Tattooed bodies, short dresses, overdose of makeup, a swaggered walk, a smile that I thought was contemptuous, an answer that sounded snappy, a celebration that looked mocking, a glance that seemed sly, profound and animated discussions that cold shouldered me….Partners, friends, peers, spouse, children, parents, siblings, students in that perennial loop of “what do they think of me and what do I think of them”? Numerous instances and reasons to judge and to take for granted, branding them as “so and so”, to look at someone with unease because of colour and weight, to tweak our language and accent to suit others, to keep up with the joneses in terms of the dress we wear, the music we listen to or the Telly series that we watch.

Am I nice and good all the time to strut pompously and to consider, criticize and arbitrate others’ reactions and responses? What gives me the credibility to like and dislike, to view and review dispositions and temperaments? Is it fair to compare and contrast and ostracize someone because he or she does not match my expectations? Or why is everyone better than you?

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Judgmental behaviour is a defence mechanism that raises its ugly head to protect our ego from hurt, pain and afflictions. It is a natural tendency in many to come to hasty conclusions, draw parallels and not seeing the positive side of people and situations. There are compartments, shelves and disks in my brain that categorize, stack and store people as haughty, indifferent, proud, insolent and stupid.

The real me is raw, unsophisticated, gullible and expectant, a set of idiosyncrasies that do not qualify to be judgmental of others or be anywhere close to that. The impulse and inclination to assume, surmise and postulate human behaviour is catastrophic to our inherent self. Anger, anxiety, hatred, isolation are all consequences and the aftermath of looking at people in a prejudicial manner. Fault finding, nitpicking on people, actions, ideas do take a toll on our self-esteem. It clouds our minds and comes at a time of insecurity, jealousy and fear of losing out to somebody. Often, it is inferiority that causes us to be judgmental, a feeling that we are better in comparison by condemning some action and behaviour. This does not motivate us but on the contrary pulls us into an abyss of seclusion, extreme rejection and isolation. We tend to compare the best quality or attribute in an individual to ours and woefully fall short in the measures.

Hindsight is definitely a good teacher and, on many occasions, I have felt the need to expunge and obliterate this feeling of veiled perceptions of natural order that seemed so disorderly! Forming opinions and hastening to have one up -man- ship and moral superiority leads to being hypocritical and self-righteous. Judging an action often latches itself onto the person and separating the action in that situation from the person becomes important to avoid a backlash of counteraction and resentment.

People often fall short of our expectations maybe due to inconsistencies or because the situation warranted such a response and passing judgements have repercussions that can-do irreparable damage to relationship and ruin lives. Trying to be a perfectionist can also lead to being judgmental as the yardstick is the imperfectionist you. Overly sizing up someone normally clouds the best traits in that individual and swept under the carpet of criticism, the unpleasant sticks out much to the chagrin of all around. Being judgmental goes to self -destruct mode as one tries to bolster the sagging self esteem and worth by condemning others and it is all pervasive making the brightest days to go bleak and bothersome. Overcoming the fear of rejection, becoming less self- conscious, chucking comparison leaving them behind and accepting critical feedback can be a good therapy for this subjective irrational thinking!

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13 thoughts on “Expressions Unlimited

  1. Well said Sunita maam…i think most of us are guilty of wearing the judgemental hat and tend to harm ourselves in the process as well…as usual you have forced me to take a hard look at myself through your writing 🙂

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  2. Whether we like it or not, some judgement always happens based may be on gut feel or our own experience or what we see or have heard from others.We cannot also be naive refusing to judge people.. Judging becomes a problem only when we make unfair judgement based on hearsay with little evidence,prejudice or our own inadequacies.The last sentence in your post admirably captures the essence of what is right.
    An excellent write up showcasing your command over language.I would request you to keep your blog very active posting regularly your thoughts and expressions.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thanks KP sir…as always your insights, inputs and the observations you make on my articles do carry a lot of credence! The present lock down has been a good hunting ground for the creative mind…and hence churning out a couple…hope the momentum continues without the lock down and when things are normal.

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  3. Sunitha Ma’am – Well written blog. Excellent language and choice of words; setting high standards. Today, personal and interpersonal skills are the need of the hour, both in our personal and professional life. The article highlights the pros and cons of being a perfectionist, the challenges of being judgemental in our day today life and the importance of seeking critical feedback, for our improvement. All these aspects form the basis of Emotional Intelligence. Very nice article, great read. Very well written. Best wishes Ma’am.

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    • I am grateful to you sir for the encomiums showered on me for this post. Glad that you liked my take on judgmental perception and how it impacts our way of life. Appreciate the time taken to read and comment and also for the nice wishes!

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  4. It’s true that when we become judgmental a sort of defense mechanism works in our minds. We never wish to see ourselves in the receiving end and so, we wear masks (literally though, nowadays); the mask of being holier than thou.
    It’s a mammoth task to remain neutral while expressing opinion without being judgmental. But, it’s not an unachievable one.
    Nicely written and explained, Sunita… 👌👌😊

    Like

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